Seaside

January 7, 2002-Fairy Penguins
(photos:Fairy Penguins,
Toby & 5 0f 12 Apostles)

After the sweltering sojourn in the old Jewish neighborhood, we made it back to the tour bus office in time for a 5 PM tour of Phillips Island last night. The island isn’t so great, but that’s where the fairy penguins can be seen coming ashore every night. The two hour ride took us past the foothills of the Dandenong Range & through pastureland.

Our driver gave a running commentary the whole time. Some of the information was interesting & some not. We now know how to tell the difference between sheep being raised for wool & those being raised for meat. The ones for wool are taller. They’ve been bred with longer legs so their wool will stay up out of the burrs & be easier & more economical to clean. The driver also gave us the interesting result of the government homebuyers incentive. First time buyers can get $A 7,000 with no strings attached towards the purchase of a home. If you’re building a new house, you get $A 14,000. This was supposed to fight a possible recession & help people get out of the rent cycle. What it has done is deplete the rental market so that many properties are vacant & landlords are unable to find anyone to fill them.

We were running early, so the driver took a detour to see the Nobbies, a rock formation also known as Seal Rock. Seals, unlike penguins, are unreliable. There was only one seal that night. Penguins come out of the ocean at sunset every night. They use the cover of darkness for safety. They’re the smallest of the penguins & are really a dark blue color rather than the usual black. Their dark coloration against the pale sand of the beach makes them very visible to predators.

We grabbed a bite at the café & headed to the beach to wait. There are stands for viewing the event & the beach is somewhat illuminated by the park rangers. I expected all the penguins to storm the beach at once ala the Normandy invasion. That’s not what happened at all. The beach was full of seagulls just hanging out. At first, we saw what we thought was a tiny piece of wood bobbing in the foam. Fortunately, we had our binoculars & were able to see that it was really a penguin. One lone bird was the advance scout for the night. He behaved in what we were to see was typical fashion for the penguins that followed. There was a great deal of vacillation back & forth. It was as if they’d never come ashore before & had to muster the courage to leave the safety of the sea. They mostly came in groups of 6-10. We realized how tiny they were when they were next to the seagulls. The penguins were about the same body length as the gulls, but fuller around. They wobbled their way across the sand & beat a path for their burrows.

Fairy Babies

This was breeding season, so we were able to see the chicks as well. Adult males & females commuted daily. They fished all day & returned to feed the young at night. There was a boardwalk stretching through their nesting area & we were able to follow their progress to the nests. The babies created a racket as their parents approached. A beak full of regurgitated seafood being inserted into their gullets silenced their insistent yowling. One of the birds needed to cross the driveway near the offices to get to what had been his family nest for generations. Rangers cleared tourists from the path at the appropriate time. We watched as the tiny penguin made his solo march between a phalanx of tennis shoes, hiking boots, & sandals on his programmed mission. To say that they totally charmed us would not do it justice. The experience was captivating, miraculous, & awe inspiring. The penguins have gone on relentlessly. Humans have come to respectfully share the experience with them. The penguins have graciously adapted to the audience & the humans have been enriched.

We got back to our hotel at 1 AM & had to be up early to get our rental car at 8:30 AM. We did some “mop up” touring of Melbourne today before taking off to the west. We saw the infamous nude painted circa 1851, Chloe, at the Young & Jackson Hotel. At St. Paul’s Anglican Cathedral, built during the gold rush of 1859, the abundance of decorative gold leaf in the mosaic placed it in history.

Great Road, Great Ride

Today our destination was the Great Ocean Road. It weaves its way along the southern coast with crags & cliffs falling into the sea on one side & grasslands alternating with mountain ranges & rainforests on the other. We were in Queenscliff in time for lunch at the hotel of the same name. It’s a grandly restored Victorian mansion with typical ironwork trim. The popularity of ironwork had a practical origin. Ships used iron as ballast. The trim was an effort not to have the iron go to waste. The restaurant has an excellent reputation & we couldn’t resist the pastrami sandwich with pureed beetroot, horseradish sauce, sauerkraut & lettuce on rye.

Bells Beach was on our list of places to see. It has world-class surf & surfers except for today. There was a stiff wind coming from the shore, so there were no waves to be seen. As the day wore on, we noticed more & more No Vacancy signs appearing. We decided to pull into an unassuming motel in Apollo Bay. We got one of the last two rooms. Luck was with us. It is a Spa room overlooking the ocean. We’re in heaven. It had been raining on & off all day, but the sun came out as we walked into the room. There’s a rainbow over the water & David just woke up from his nap. It sounds like dinnertime to me.

January 8, 2002-End To Beginning

David said there is nothing odd about Jews staying in a stable. Our particular stable doesn’t have a manger now, but maybe it did in 1860. We’re in Mortlake, home of the Australian Buskers Championship. Jane & Bruce are our hosts at the Shadwell Hotel & Stables Motel. Remember, here a hotel is a tavern/pub. We had tea at the hotel after we checked in. Remember, tea is dinner when it’s served after 6pm. It’s a fastidiously clean place built of native bluestone that’s actually dark gray. The motel units look old but were built five years ago. They’re adjacent to the stables. It’s the kind of place where locals congregate. We’d called ahead for reservations & were identifiable even before we opened our mouths. The bonus here is that Oscar & his people are regulars & I got to play with him. He’s a guide dog (yellow lab). His person took his harness off so he’d be off duty while I petted & he licked.

Now that you know how our day ended, I’ll take it from the top. Our rental car was losing air in a tyre (it is an Aussie car, so it has Aussie spelling). The couple that noticed it asked how long we’d be in Australia. We explained about David working & they asked what he did. This couple was Jewish & we now have their home phone #. We might just look them up when we go to Sydney. We went to a filling station to put air in the tyre. I didn’t realize that in seaside communities a full service station included an outdoor people shower.

The highway took a detour through Ottway National Park, a rainforest. When it emerged, the scenery was classically pastoral. The colors were shades of green & blue with black & white cows. No, it wasn’t only the sky that was blue, but also the hay bales that were covered in bright blue plastic.

We’d seen photos of this stretch of rugged coastline in Port Campbell National Park, but were unprepared for the actual spectacle. It’s known as the Badlands of the Southern Ocean. For a period of 2.5 million years, the sea & weather have eroded the sandstone cliffs. In many instances, such a huge amount of the cliff has dissolved that the remaining sandstone masses stand as lone sentinels in the sea. The most famous of these is the Twelve Apostles. They’re enormous pinnacles jutting out of the roaring surf. They were wearing away as we watched & will eventually tumble into the froth. The entire coast is known as a graveyard for ships & as we traveled west we passed Loch Ard Gorge & a cemetery where sailors were buried. The grandeur of the Gorge left us speechless. It is a mammoth curving arc of sandstone into which the sea has worn an arch. It sits on its own surrounded by violent turquoise waves that roar their assault & heave at the rock in an eternal battle. We pulled off at every overlook to gasp in awe. The blowhole, the Bay of Martyrs, & Bay of Islands seemed to be baby Apostle wannabes, but were wonderful in their own right. One of the formations is called London Bridge. Part of this London Bridge has fallen down. Sea=1-Bridge=0. I couldn’t resist singing the song.

Port Fairy, originally named Belfast, was our next stop. It’s a 19th century fishing village & thought to be the most picturesque in Victoria. It boasts 50 cottages designated as landmarks by the National Trust. We weren’t disappointed. We found a cyber café nestled among the old homes as well as Levinson’s Jewelers. We stopped in to scope out the Levinsons & learned they come from generations of jewelers from Poland by way of England. They arrived in Australia in 1859 for the gold rush. We played a bit of Jewish geography. My father is from Poland. We may be related. They say there’s not really a Jewish presence in this largely Irish area.

It was an easy drive to Mortlake. Tonight, we’ll be serenaded by galahs. They’re parrot-like gray birds with pink breasts. Tomorrow, they’ll awaken us, I’m sure.

Toby

Hitting The Road

January 5, 2002-Waiting
(photos: Melbounre, Cook's Cottage, Tram)

We just finished packing for Melbourne & Tasie & we didn't kill each other. You'd think that after all our travels we'd be pros. The problem is the weather there is cold. We need sweatshirts, winter jackets, etc. I was determined to get into one suitcase so we skimped on clothes. After all, they won't show under all the layering.

We’re at the airport now. Our flight was delayed three hours. There was mechanical trouble in Darwin, so here we wait. It’s ironic. We called to verify the departure time yesterday. There was a discrepancy between our itinerary & our E-tickets. When David spoke to the Qantas people, they took our phone number just in case. Well, the computer at the airport said they tried to call us today. I don’t know whose phone number they called, but the one on the computer screen wasn’t ours. It wasn’t remotely close to either our home or cell phone number. Since we were transported by airport limo, I don’t know if we could have made other arrangements anyway. Qantas treated us to $A 7.50 each of goodies at the snack bar & we also get to eat dinner on the flight at about 8:30PM. That means we get into our Melbourne hotel at around 12:30AM. Yippee! We have an 8AM tour tomorrow. This is one of my favorite parts of travel….exhaustion. At least I can nap on the tour bus. David will fill me in. I have plenty of time to read up on Melbourne. I think that’s what I’ll do now.

Fire In The Hold

We’re now in the air but five hours late. We can look forward to getting to the hotel at about 2AM. The plane that was supposed to be ours landed in Brisbane with an engine in flames. I guess the engine they replaced in Darwin wasn’t really an improvement over the old one. David saw it all & said that it was quite spectacular. By the time the fire engines met it the engine had been turned off & the plane was sitting out on the runway. They checked it over then it pulled into our gate under its own power. They got the passengers off quickly. I’ve never seen such a happy bunch of folks deplane before. We gave them a round of applause. Those waiting to board started conjecturing that we would soon be the guests of Qantas at a Brisbane hotel. But Qantas had other thoughts. I’m sure they didn’t want to pay a hotel bill for however many passengers a 767 holds. The crew from that flight had to do all the paperwork that follows a near disaster & then get on the replacement plane & continue on to Melbourne. That must be a bit like getting back on a horse when you fall off.

Daniel & Wendy will appreciate this. We got kind of friendly with a young couple who had two sons aged 6 & 7. After waiting together for five hours, we had a “relationship.” I told the boys how my kids entertained themselves while waiting at airports. They check ed the coin returns on the pay phones. The little guys went right to it & were rewarded on the first try. They’re hooked now. I’ll put this away now & get ready to eat my midnight snack. Yum!

January 7, 2002-Playing Catch-Up

I felt as if I have been out of touch with you all forever. I’ll try to catch you up in chronological, if not logical, order. David is feeling fine now. He decided to take the antibiotics even though we found out that the doctor we went to is only a GP. Here, the “kids” go to med school right out of high school & are general practitioners at age 23. It takes a residency of about 2-3 years more for someone to get an MD (medical doctor) degree. This is really the old system at work. If you see a specialist, you’re really sick.

We figured out that the flight to Melbourne was our 21st since leaving home & we have had no real delays or glitches until now. I guess it was time. We didn’t get to bed until 3:30AM that night. Needless to say, we were trashed the next day. Our hotel was not as bad as Alice Springs, but it wasn’t up to snuff. I didn’t mind the smallness of the room, but David literally couldn’t get around the chair at his side of the bed. The bathroom was the real problem for me. There was stubble in the sink from the beard of the previous occupant. At that hour, I didn’t want to start with complaints. I just rinsed it off. The next day, things were better. When we got back to the room at the end of the day at least it was David’s stubble in the sink.

At 8AM the next morning, we were at the tour office & got on the bus for a ½ day tour. We were surprised at the prediction for 37 degrees (98.6 F), but brought long & short-sleeved shirts & jackets on the bus with us. We had hats, umbrellas, & sunscreen too. They say Melbourne can have four seasons in one day. They were right. Now it’s 9 Celsius. That’s about 50 F. I did manage to nap on the bus & only missed the drive through one suburb while I slept. It was the Jewish area. We ended up going to it later that afternoon.

The first thing we learned was that Melbourne is 20% parkland. The second thing we learned was how to do a maneuver called a “hook turn.” Trams are a venerated & preferred means of transportation in the city. They always have the right of way. Picture this, if you can. Cars drive on the left side of the road. Trams have the run of the middle. To make a right turn, the car has to be in the far left lane (even if there are multiple lanes), pull into the intersection when the light is green, & turn right as soon as the light turns red. This means crossing a lane of traffic going in the same direction that has, hopefully, stopped. It also means crossing a double set of tram tracks & on-coming traffic. David watched the bus driver very closely. It paid off. When we picked up our rental car today, he had to execute no less than two of the hook turns to get out of town.

Learning Melbourne

One of our first stops was at the reassembled cottage of Captain Cook. It’s in the Fitzroy Gardens &, although it was built in 1755, it reminded me of a house I sold on Yellow Creek Rd. in Bath, Ohio. That house was built in the 1850s. Cook's house was shipped from England & re-built, so the floors of the cottage were much more level than the house I sold.

As we strolled through the park we heard the call of bellbirds. At first I thought it was a bicycle bell & kept looking for the bike. It’s uncanny. These birds are aptly named. As we made our way through the clouds of gnats, I realized I didn’t like Melbourne as well as Sydney. It seemed a bit skuzzy & the toilets were certainly not up to the standards of the rest of the country. There was more litter & I even saw dog poop on the grass. That’s most unusual here. Pet owners are usually scrupulous.

We cruised past the Yarra River, historic buildings, churches, & neighborhoods trying to inhale all the new information. At the end of the morning, we had to decide whether or not to go back to the hotel for a nap or carry on. We made the wrong decision. St. Kilda, the Jewish area, also happens to have a popular beach, so we got on a SRO tram full of scantily clad teen-agers. The temperature inside the un-air conditioned tram must have been over 100. We were really dragging, but we had a quest. David had a yen for a corned beef sandwich. He’d also heard the name of Glick’s, a bagel bakery. We couldn’t turn back. St. Kilda turned out to be an area trying to undergo re-gentrification. At night, it was a red light district. The Jewish population had moved out to the “burbs” & we really wanted to be in Balaclava. No worries. It was a short tram ride away.

As we made our way to the tram stop, we passed a used furniture store. In the window was a huge molded plastic desk organizer hung on the wall. I’ve been looking for one like it for at least 25 years. Now, 25 years later, I had a second chance. There were two in the shop. One was orange & the other was gold. I was out of luck again, but, to my delight, the shop owner said an Italian company had actually started making them. They only cost 225 English pounds. What a bargain. I guess I’m destined not to own one.

Pushing On

Balaclava was just what David was looking for. We found the bakery & bought bagels only to see Glick’s on the next street. We bought more bagels there. It looked as if corned beef was out of the question. We enquired at Burger Shack, a kosher restaurant, & were told that the butcher was closed for summer vacation, so no one had corned beef. We settled for a kosher hot dog at Kosher Express. We were surrounded by Hasidim (ultra-orthodox Jews) so David put on his kippah (head covering). It went well with my t-shirt from Egypt. As for the hot dog, it should be ashamed of itself for misrepresentation.

We got directions to the Jewish Museum & decided that it didn’t sound like a long walk. It turned out to be over a mile. When we got there, the docents were very solicitous. Although we had drinks with us, they offered us cold water. They asked us to sit down & rest before seeing the museum & acted like all around Jewish mothers. I didn’t realize how bad we looked until I went to the ladies room & looked in the mirror. I was bright red from the neck up. It wasn’t from the sun. It was the heat. We did take time to cool off & rest in the air-conditioning. Here we were in the Jewish Museum in Melbourne, Australia, & we were talking to a docent from New Orleans, LA. Her father was an orthodox rabbi there. We’d gone to Tulane University in New Orleans & knew some of the same people.

The museum is extremely well done. The section that interested us was on the Jewish experience in Australia. The most fascinating bit was about Esther Abrahams who was one of twelve Jews to come over in 1788 with the first fleet of convicts. She was 16 years old & pregnant. She’d been convicted of stealing a bolt of lace. On the transport ship, she & Lt. Johnson struck up a romance. They ultimately had seven children & he became Lt. Governor of New South Wales for a short time. After 25 years, they decided to marry. Another display was about social welfare. There were several letters asking for matzo (unleavened bread) for use during Pesach (Passover) for individuals & for the “gaol.”

Toby

Hot Times

January 3, 2002-Vanishing Continent

Elvis is alive & well & living in Sydney. As the newspaper said, “Instead of bursting into song, he’s dumping water.” Elvis is an Erickson Air-Crane Helitanker that is being used to fight the fires in New South Wales. It’s named Elvis because of the time it served in the U.S. National Guard in Memphis, Tenn. I understand there is some coverage of the fire by CNN. It worsens every day as arsonists keep the 20,000 firefighters & support personnel exhausted. As with the surf lifesavers in Australia, all the bush firefighters are volunteers. As of today, with the addition of crews from the Northern Territories, all the states have responded. There’s no rain in sight & the winds & high temperatures add to the danger. It’s now in the suburbs of Sydney. It stretches in a 1000km line (about 600 miles) from Byron Bay (1 ½ hrs south of us) to south of Sydney. There have been no fatalities. I hope there’s a Sydney left for us to see in April.

The year 2002 has been declared to be the Year of the Outback (YOTO) here. Since most Australians haven’t been there, it may be a good thing to promote the outback before it disappears. There’s been more clearing in the last 50 years than in the previous 150. Seventy percent of Australia’s original vegetation has been lost since settlement & 99% of native plants have disappeared from the temperate grasslands. Cattle & sheep have torn away at what little topsoil there was. So, Aussies are advised to climb into their utes (pickup trucks) & 4-wheel drives & head for what’s left. I’ve been wondering what the protective bars are on the radiator grills of all those SUVs. As it turns out, they’re called roo bars.

Solitary Sex

If it’s the Year of the Outback, it must be the Week of Sex. The public radio station that I listen to has had a run on unusual sexual topics. Yesterday there was a discussion with experts & the public about sexual frustration among people who are without partners, geographically isolated, physically unattractive, or disadvantaged by age. Being too old was defined as over 40. That seemed to be the cut-off point for the bar scene. The show delved into topics such as “when masturbation isn’t enough,” “how to safely use the internet,” & “how to choose an appropriate sex worker.” The discussion was on a high plane & very serious.

Today’s program was about a sex worker outreach program to the physically disabled. There’s special training for sex workers so they can be sensitive to the physical limitations & knowledgeable about some of the medical devices they might encounter while being with such a client. One man said he was called to the home of a man who was in a wheelchair. The client was a paraplegic. As it turned out, his wife was out of town for the weekend & his girlfriend was on a business trip. This was the sex worker’s first job with a physically disabled client. He said that all his stereotypes went out the window.

Some brothels have seen this as an opportunity to expand their client base & a way to serve a neglected part of society. They’ve begun to make their facilities handicap accessible. Sydney has legislation regarding the sexual rights of the disabled that covers privacy issues. In many facilities, the doors to rooms & bathrooms are removed to provide ease of access for wheelchairs, equipment, & personnel. Patients & the sex worker outreach organization are challenging this & trying to help create areas of privacy for the disabled who live in institutions. Social workers are being trained to ask about sexual needs & learning about resources for arranging to address these needs. One social worker said it was no more complicated than making a reservation at a restaurant for her clients. Even though sex workers are prostitutes by any other name, the legalization of the industry under certain guidelines provides for interesting ramifications.

There is no seguing from the last topic to the new one. Have you ever used disk defragmenter on your computer? It’s under systems tools. I do it from time to time to “houseclean.” I view it as tidying up the clutter. I had never clicked on “show details” while it was running, but David did the other day. You should try it. It’s like watching a Pac Man game. There are little squares of red, blue, green, & white. They flash by on the screen as they are arranged into neat rows. It was a nice diversion. We’re leaving for Melbourne & Tasmania Saturday evening. We’ll email you from the road.

Toby

Officially 2002

January 1, 2002-No More Room

We just got back from an open house. The couple are from Canada by way of Florida. Today, we found out that they’re temporarily moving back to Florida. They tried to get a permanent visa to stay here, but, due to his high blood pressure, they were denied. He will get a cardiac workup & try again. Evidently, there are only 500 slots/year in the entire country in the category they applied for. The category was “aged parents.” One of the couple has to be over 65 years old. There are more openings if you are between 20-35. If you have over 1 million dollars in the bank you have a good chance of being acceptable.

There’s a well-known dodge some people have used to get into Australia. They immigrate to New Zealand first. Their laws are more lax. Another couple trying to get his nephew’s family into Australia from Colombia. They agreed to sponsor them, but were turned down. The Colombians are in their 40’s & he’s an architect, but Australia doesn’t think highly of Columbians. There’s a drug stigma attached to that nationality. The Aussie couple may move to New Zealand in order to help their relatives immigrate there. After two years, they will apply for a permanent Australian visa again.

A couple who wanted to celebrate their 50th anniversary by taking a trip to the U.S. told another story. They had everything arranged & paid for, but found out that their Australian medical insurance wouldn’t cover them in the U.S. They couldn’t buy any extra coverage in Australia to cover them during their travels. She had bypass surgery & Australia considered that she was too great a risk. Medical care in the U.S. was too expensive.

As 3pm rolled around, the TV was turned on so we could watch the real New Year’s celebration in Times Square. I held my breath as the ball descended, but it came off without a hitch. I don’t think Mayor Gulliani could have taken another crisis.

January 2, 2002-Medicine Aussie Style

David has had a cough & cold for the last five days. He decided to call a doctor this morning. We’re leaving for Melbourne & Tasmania Sat. night & he didn’t want to get sicker while we were away. We had the name of a doctor, so he rang up her office. He got an appointment for this afternoon. They took his name, but not his phone number. They did establish that he was a new patient. True to form, he began to feel better as soon as the appointment was made.

We showed up at her office a bit early thinking that he’d have to fill out intake forms. Since the doctor’s office is at the shopping center across the street, it was very convenient. David got his haircut, we picked up our dry cleaning, & had a cold drink before heading to the office. The office was presumably air-conditioned, but I began to feel weak & listless from the heat. The temperature outside reached 34 Celsius (mid to low 90’s), but none of the A/C in the mall was able to cope with it. Maybe it’s because all the stores & the arcade keep their doors open?

The doctor is a true GP of the old school. Except for the presence of computers, the office could be right out of the ‘50’s or ‘60’s. It is a two-doctor office with a receptionist. That’s it folks. There were no nurses, cashiers, or comptrollers. We needn’t have come early to fill out forms. The only information the receptionist took was name, address, phone #, & birth date. Since I was with David, I asked if I could have the doc look at a spot on my shoulder. It was not a problem, although we were told that they would have to charge us for two visits. That sounded fair to us.

David was surprised that the doctor was listed with a specialty in women’s medicine, but I assured him that we’re the same from the neck up. I don’t think he bought that. He was pacified by the fact that the receptionist knew that he was a man & wasn’t at all disconcerted. The doctor calls her patients in herself, runs in & out of the office getting her own equipment, & was generally a Jill of all trades. I heaved a sigh of relief when I realized she wasn’t going to weigh us on the bathroom scale sitting in the corner or take our blood pressure. I’ve been really happy all these months not knowing.

The examination room was her office as well. It had an examination table with pretty floral sheets on it. I didn’t see any paper sheets, but they might have been stored elsewhere. She input our information into the computer on her desk & we became official patients. She did ask David about what meds he took before printing out a prescription with one refill for roxithromycin. I figured that the refill would do for me if I got the crud. She told him not to take it unless the symptoms got better, then worse. She didn’t think it was bacterial. She heard some upper chest crackles, but didn’t even mention the need for an x-ray. She went to get the liquid nitrogen for my spot & said that after practicing in Queensland for 10 years, she was very adept with it. She didn’t give me any instructions on what to expect or aftercare, but I’ve had it done many times before. We paid $A 34/person by credit card to the receptionist & headed out.

We passed a pharmacy & decided to fill the script in case we needed it while we were away. Then we went to MediBank Private, our insurer. They have an office in the mall. We gave them the receipts for the doctor ($A 68) & the pills ($A 17.50). They gave us cash back on the spot for $A 68 for the doctor visit & $A 14.90 for the meds. I love this system!

Toby

Almost 2002

December 30, 2001-Rare Event

I saw a huge sign in a store window advertising the sale of what we call tube tops. They called them boob tubes.

Yesterday, Saturday morning, was a Bat Mitzvah. She's an elfin young lady whose grandparents, are pillars of the temple. It was a very special event here & a rare one. In this otherwise geriatric congregation, there hasn’t been a bar or bat mitzvah in years. There were 130 people crowded into the under air-conditioned sanctuary. I felt the lack of air & actually decided to stop reading the service & participating aloud to conserve my own oxygen. There was real concern that some of the older people might faint. As it turned out, I think they did far better than I.

The bar/bat mitzvah kids here only do the prayers before & after reading Torah, one small passage from the Torah (Five Books of Moses), the Haftarah blessings & the Haftarah (related passages from other parts of the Hebrew Bible) in Hebrew. In the U.S. we’re used to the 13-year old conducting 90% of the service. There were oodles of “aliyot”, though. Those are honors given to people who are asked to come up to the bima (pulpit) & participate. The participation can be anything from opening the curtain of the ark where the Torahs are kept to saying the blessings before or after the Torah reading. Because the bat mitzvah has many relatives in Australia, there were fourteen aliyot. Some of these were doubles in that two people shared the saying of blessings. For the seven occasions that people were called up to do Torah blessings, David said a prayer (mishaberach) asking for the well being of the honoree. Add this all up & you get one very loooong service. Somehow, we got out in two hours. At least there was the diversion of the bat mitzvah's 4-year old brother during the service. He was very quiet, but he was all over the place. As many of you know who have seen David conduct services, this doesn’t throw him at all. The child was on the bima, under the chairs, mugging, in & out of the sanctuary, & generally visiting everyone he knew.

The Rabbi and government official from Brisbane were at the bat mitzvah as well. He’s a in charge of multi-culturalism. He comes to the congregation from time to time to perform rabbinic functions & knows everyone. David asked him to co-officiate. He has watched the bat mitxvah grow up & gave a very moving address to her.

Although there was a light buffet lunch after the service, we decided to go out to lunch. We’d invited the rabbi and his wife over to our apartment for the afternoon. They were going to the evening reception. Since they live in Brisbane we figured we’d have a chance to visit with them & save them the extra round trip. They brought their swimmers, but didn’t get to use them. He was beat & ended up taking a nap.

Whenever I’m with him, I learn something. As always, I asked him about the Afghani refugees that Australia is holding in camps offshore. I asked what he thought of a recent riot in the camps & what should be done about the perpetrators. It was my feeling that they didn’t deserve to be admitted to Australia if they took a lawless approach to their situation. He gave me a brief history of immigrants & immigration. I hadn’t realized that hundreds of those immigrants had been in the camps for years. These were not the recent refugees from the quarantined ship Tampa. Australia, although a signatory of an international agreement on how to swiftly process & treat immigrants, was in gross violation of it for years. There were parallels in the past with what was happening today. He said that human nature hasn’t changed. After WWII, when Jews sought asylum in Australia, the headlines in the papers were similar to those of today. The motives of the Jews were questioned & fears were voiced that there may be terrorists among them. Australia was still a British colony, part of the Empire, & Jews in Palestine had attacked the British by bombing the King David Hotel in Israel. He said that if xenophobia hadn’t taken over & the rules of the international agreement had been followed, most of the Afghanis would have been settled in long ago & well on their way to becoming productive citizens of Australia. As it turned out, that’s what eventually happened to the Jews. As I said, he always adds a perspective.

American Style

The evening reception was a clone of an American bat mitzvah reception. There was the disc jockey, the professional party planner who turned the ballroom into an underwater world, the cake of 13 candles for honored guests to light, & two nubile go-go dancers to whip the pre-teens into a hormonal frenzy. The noise of the gangsta rap was deafening & we left as soon as was polite. The desserts were bereft of anything chocolate, so my interest waned. A traditional Australian dessert treat is called Pavlova. It’s a cake-like confection whose base is angel food cake (gag). Its sides are buttressed with ladyfingers (gag), & it’s schmeared & topped with meringue (gag). In my book, it has no redeeming qualities.

The main course was interesting in the way it was served. A menu on the table indicated there would be chicken & lamb alternately served. What that meant was that every other person got chicken or lamb. We all held our breath as meals were doled out hoping we’d get our favorite. Then it happened. One couple switched plates. She wanted chicken & he wanted lamb. The servers became confused, but recovered quickly. At a glance, they were able to discern that a switch had taken place. I think their training covered such a contingency. They picked up the service as if nothing happened.

Then, low & behold, one couple wanted the same dish. A crisis had been reached. The elderly woman really wanted the lamb, & I thought that at age 90, she was entitled to it. I leaned over to her & murmured those magic words my cousin uses at a restaurant to make sure they heed her instructions for a dairy-free meal. Those magic words are, “If there is any milk product that has come into contact with my food I will become violently ill in your restaurant.” With some variation, I thought this could insure the chicken/lamb switch. I don’t know what the nonagenarian said, but she got her lamb.

He, at age 91, is a model for us all. He recently bought a new car, "one that would last." It reminds me of an aunt of friends in Vegas. In her 80’s their aunt bought a mink coat for the very same reason. I think she indeed got a lot of wear out of it.

As I was leaving the ballroom to head for the ladies room, Syd Bruce stopped me & asked where I was going. I told him that I was going “potty.” He repeated the word & I realized it had another meaning here. It could have meant I was going “crazy.” I explained that in America, we “potty train” our children, so when they grow up & are “potty” they can see a psychiatrist. We joked around for a while with me trying to imitate his pronunciation. It’s not too hard since it’s like the way the Southerners drop the “r’s” at the end of words. As a play on that, when I walked away, I said, “Potty on!”

We had a good laugh with the rabbi about pronunciation too. His wife is from New Zealand. There they pronounce vowels differently :fish & chips is “fush & chops.” He loves it when she calls out to him & says that he should come because something needs “fuxing.”

Outlaws

Did you know they still use saccharine here? They will soon not be able to manufacture cars that use leaded gas, but, as of now, they still make them. The manicurist I use said that Australia gets a lot of stuff that has been outlawed in America because the laws here aren’t as strict.

Here’s something to think about. A 15-year old boy who was dying of cancer told a nurse that his last wish wasn’t to go to Disneyland, but to have sex before he died. This was in the papers today. The nurse called in a psychologist who said that the boy was mentally stable & mature. He said that terminally ill kids “get wise very quickly.” The hospital staff was all for it. They also respected the boy’s wishes & didn’t tell his parents. The psychologist consulted clergy who were polarized on the question. The professional staff realized they had enormous liability & were torn about how to handle the issue. Meanwhile, the boy did get his wish. It was organized by friends who thought it was the right thing to do. It took place off the hospital premises with a “sex worker.” The boy’s comment was that he was “very happy & only slightly disappointed that it was over with so quickly.” Ultimately, he lost his fight with cancer. I wonder how many other terminally ill teens have secretly harbored that wish but were afraid to ask?

Almost Happy New Year. You’ve been faithful readers through it all. I appreciate your loyalty & responses.

Toby

Hazards

December 25, 2001-Fire Hazards

We decided to sit by the pool this afternoon & nearly got blown away. I think the three buildings surrounding our pool create a wind tunnel much like the skyscraper canyons in Chicago. At least here it was in the 90’s. I was glad we were able to see the latest in safety swim togs. I know I keep mentioning the swimwear here, but I find it interesting. A family with three children came in from the beach. The kids were wearing brightly colored full body wet suits. This not only protects them against the sun, but also keeps them safe from the stingers of jellyfish. The poor kids looked like they were in straight jackets, but seemed to be having fun.

There’s a huge bush fire burning north of Sydney cutting it off from the rest of the country. It’s only accessible by sea & air. If a terrorist wants to do in the entire country, all he has to do is drop about a dozen matches at strategic locations around the large cities. The entire continent has always been a tinderbox. The 600 varieties of eucalyptus trees evolved to depend on fire to propagate. Their seedpods are as hard as concrete. They drop to the ground & stay there until a fire comes along. The outer shell burns off & the seed is released. There are also animals that depend on regular fires to burn the brush so that new shoots will emerge to feed them. Aborigines understood this & used it to their advantage. They conducted what was called fire farming. The difference between what they did & what modern farmers do is the Aborigines didn’t replant. They let nature do it for them.

December 27, 2001-Human Hazards

Yesterday was Boxing Day. All the stores opened with a vengeance. Sales were awesome & shoppers responded. This is the busiest shopping day of the year here. We just walked over to drop off some film & it looked like Mardi Gras. At times, we couldn’t see the pavement for the people.

It was outrageously hot so we took a dip in our pool. After 3pm the entire area is in shade. It’s nice not to have to worry about burning. I went up first to dress for dinner & David stayed at the pool just lounging & reading. The man next to him asked if he was staying long & David said that he was. The man was a long-term tenant too.
Man- Are you here on holiday?
David- It’s a little bit of work & play.
Man- Where are you from?
David- The U.S.
Man- What do you do?
David- I’m a rabbi. There was a long silence.
Man- What group is that?
David- Judaism. Another long silence followed.
Man- Who follows that?
David- Jews
Man- Are there any Jews in the U.S?
David- Yes
Man- Is your family from the U.S?
David- I was born there, but my grandparents came from Russia.
Man- Are there Jews in Russia?
David- Yes (He excused himself & escaped to the apartment)
This conversation goes to show you how far the people of Australia will go to provide me with anecdotes to email you all. You should be grateful.

We met friends for dinner at a Korean restaurant. She's the one who wrote the book about her experience as a 9-year old. She escaped to England from Nazi Austria alone. I guess we should tell that man there are Jews in Europe too. Our friends lived in Israel for 41 years. When the subject of the latest terrorist attack attempt came up we were conjecturing about what would happen to the man who tried to ignite his shoe & blow up the American Airlines plane. I maintained that no matter what he was charged with, he would initiate a suit against the doctors who sedated him without his permission. He won’t win, but the doctors or their insurance companies will be out some money to defend even if it’s thrown out of court. When the issue of the military tribunals came up, Sue said the U.S. has to consider that this is wartime. In Israel they lost some of their civil rights from time to time to insure their security. She said that civil rights are for civilized people.

Toby

Holiday Highlights

December 23, 2001-Take Note

Today was notable because it was the first time I went swimming in the pool at our complex. The conditions finally met my requirements. It was beastly hot & the water had warmed up to a bit cooler than a bathtub. One fashion statement we noticed around here is that of maternity wear. Either there’s a new trend or women here are more practical. Perhaps they can’t afford maternity clothes. The latest in maternity swimwear is a bikini. If you think about it, it’s perfect for the pregnant torso. It’s quite attractive especially when accompanied by a pierced navel.

There was a drink-driving set-up again. That’s what they call it, not drunk driving. This time, there were four motorcycle cops & a tow truck. They mean business. The legal limit is 0.05.
While strolling around after lunch, we passed a photographer’s studio. Displayed in the window was one wedding portrait. I don’t think we’d see one like it in the U.S. It featured an inter-racial bridal couple.

December 24, 2001-Australianese

The front page of the paper had an article I think is in English, but I’m not sure. I will quote it: Ring Out to Rellies and Ring in Cheats:
Centrelink is hoping to bring joy to the world this Christmas, unless you happen to be a dole bludger…Senator Vanstone’s other campaign revealed yesterday encourages neighbors to dob-in online. Good luck. I will provide a translation if needed.

I’m reading Bryce Courtenay’s new novel, Four Fires. One character tells of a situation during WWII when the Japanese destroy Allied headquarters. Along with the damage, the codebook was lost. The troops in the field are in desperate need to get the message out that they need morphine for the wounded. That’s no secret, but the time for the planes to fly over to drop it is. They finally decide to send the time for delivery in Australian. They send a message that they’ll “look up at sparrow’s fart.” That’s dawn.

We watched an excellent show on Tolkein last night, but the commercials were what got my attention. There was one in particular that was repeated throughout the show. David & I just looked at each other & rolled our eyes. It was a commercial for a Nicabate nicotine patch. It showed two cricket players taking a break. One lights up a cigarette & offers it to the other. The man refuses & says he’s stopped smoking & shows the patch on his arm. He says it protects him from craving a smoke. The guy with the cigarette gets up to walk away and holds up an athletic cup. He says, “You can never have too much protection mate.”

We then watched a show called Evolution. It was the last in a series produced by the BBC & focused on the question of fundamental religious traditions & evolution. They started the show at the High Note Church of Resurrection in Canton, Ohio. Now, how did the BBC find Canton, Ohio?
I don’t know why I keep telling you about the driving rules here. They are so serious about them that it impresses me. There was an ad on TV warning drivers to buckle up. The fine for not wearing your seat belt is $A 150 & 3 points. All passengers, front & back, must wear seat belts.

I just found out there will be no newspaper on Xmas day. I’ve never known of a major city that didn’t publish at least something that day. I’m talking about Brisbane here. It’s the state capital.
I went to look up the number of the Korean restaurant we went to last week. We’re going there on Dec. 26, Boxing Day. David reminded me that if I didn’t find it under restaurants to check under hotels. It’s not in a hotel. In fact it’s in a strip mall. Why look under hotel? It seems that plain old restaurants are also called hotels. It doesn’t matter that they don’t have sleeping rooms. When I asked what they call tall buildings that have sleeping rooms, they said those were motels. Then they backpedaled & said sometimes they call those hotels as well. It’s confusing.

December 25, 2001-Happy Christmas

Xmas card- On the first day of Xmas my true love gave to me (open the card) a koala in a gum tree.

Happy Christmas as they say down under. It’s a scorcher. Brisbane will reach 39 centigrade & we’ll be around 35. That’s close to 100 & the high 90’s Fahrenheit respectively. The pool is full of kids & one brother & sister could be poster children for Australia. They both have on Aussie swimmers, which is a one or two-piece bathing costume made of dark colored sturdy ultra-violet ray proof fabric. The top looks like a t-shirt & the bottoms like short-legged shorts. They’re wearing beaked caps with flaps that hang down from the back to protect their necks & ears. I’m sure what is exposed to the sun is slathered with sunscreen. My grandmother didn’t wear that much to the beach.

We braved the weather & walked on the beach. We slopped, slapped, & slipped on coverings, opened the door & were hit by a blast of heat that sent us back a step. There’s a constant breeze here, which is why the area became a resort. It cools things off so what might be unbearable in the cities is tolerable here. The Xmas tradition here is one of the family picnics. The park running along the beach was crammed full of shade-seeking picnickers from all walks of life. There were enough different ethnic groups represented to make up the United Nations. I felt like telling them they couldn’t eat until they learned to live with their differences & co-exist in peace. There were Aborigines, Asians, Eastern Europeans, Americans, Western Europeans, Africans, Arabs, & a Scottish couple who asked if we’d take their photo so they could send it home & make their families jealous. Name the continent & they were there. Well, maybe none from Antarctica.
As we stepped from the grassy park to the sand, it got perceptibly hotter. The radiant heat wafted up from the sand as we squeaked our way to the water using the Florida waddle. For those of you unfamiliar with it, it’s used when the sand is so hot you can’t walk on top of it. By inserting your toes & the front of your feet under the sand, you reach a slightly cooler level so your feet don’t smoke when you finally reach the surf.

The beach was more crowded than ever & the surf lifesavers were out in triple force. They had guards in a high chair & two on land. One was on each side of the flagged safe swimming area. The wind was from the north so they didn’t have to worry about stingers. The only warnings were about rips. I’m not totally sure if swimming between the flags is the only safe area, but it does help the guards keep an eye on the crowds. I’m not going to be the one to find out. We hadn’t had lunch & hoped to find at least one restaurant open along the way. There were four. Our favorite kebab stand saved the day, although there wasn’t a table to be had. We walked over to the closed McDonald’s & ate at one of their outdoor tables.

We had a message to call the Bruce’s when we got back. We’ll hook up with them tonight. David is determined to have Chinese. We’ll probably go after 7:30pm. We want to be home to hear the Queen’s Xmas message at 7:20pm.

Toby