Starving

October 20, 2001-Dinner

This is a sad tale of how I spent an entire day and night being entertained at dinner. lunch, and tea, and didn’t have enough to eat. We were invited to a home for Shabbat dinner. All of the hosts' friends who had emigrated from Manchester were there. It made for an interesting mix of accents. They told us that many of the “Aussieisms” were strange to their ears too.

Meals usually start with “befores” which are chopped liver, chopped herring, chopped egg…. You get the drift. Add to this poached and smoked salmon (they never call it lox) and pickled stuff. They served what looked like a beautifully prepared sliced roast and potted chicken with apricots. The roast turned out to be veal, which David later reported was delicious. Fortunately he warned me about this since I don’t eat veal. It’s probably the one vestige of political correctness regarding food that I’ve retained. The chicken was dark meat only. I prefer not to eat dark meat, and I won’t consider eating any chicken that still wears its skin and whose skin is puckered so you can see all the bumps where the feathers used to be. Fortunately, there were two platters of roast veggies that were placed on the table. I did my best to make a meal of them, but some of the offerings were so overdone my fork couldn’t pierce them. I tried to be inconspicuous as I sorted through in search of the tender few. I naively looked forward to dessert as my salvation. Fresh fruit is the rule here and I wasn’t disappointed. I gorged on kiwi, melon, and chocolate covered strawberries. I passed up the strudel. If it’s not chocolate, why bother.

Lunch & Tea

We were invited for lunch after Shabbat services today. We arrived at the house at 12:30pm. There were lots of salads and veggies on the buffet, so I thought I had it made, but there was little flavor to any of it. The only vegetable that looked like it had any taste was floating in mayonnaise. There was corned beef that they call pickled meat. There was meat loaf, chicken loaf, and nasty potted, bumpy skinned chicken. The meat loaf was actually good, but the chicken loaf was pure white. It was like eating partially set plaster of Paris. I ended up eating a piece of bread and butter just to quiet my stomach. Dessert was jello and fruit. The reason we weren’t served pastry was because we were going two doors down to another congregant for tea.

We strolled on down at 4 PM and were greeted with an array of tea sandwiches, beverages, and trifle made with jello. There was also a fruit tray. David has asked me to tell you that he ate well. We were presented with an Aussie mascot stuffed toy that plays Waltzing Matilda and a book called “Let Stalk Strine” (Let’s Talk Australian). I’m sure the book will be very handy in helping us translate from “Strine” to American.

Adding to my dining pleasure, at the start of the meal, one of the septuagenarians cried out in fright and disgust as he pulled a roach from the food that was heaped on his plate. He held it up between his thumb and forefinger waving it around so that the food particles clinging to it scattered on the tablecloth. I was speechless. The hostess seemed to take it with a great deal of composure. I would have been mortified. This being the tropics, roaches are not an unusual sight. As it turned out, this group had a history of playing practical jokes on each other. The rubber roach was retrieved and pocketed by the wife of the prankster.

Food Aside

The people we met today were great and I got to know the parents of a famous harpist. They even had his CDs to show me. His name is Kevin Lee. He’s very big in the UK. There was a requirement at his elementary school that every student learn to play an instrument. They tried him on violin and guitar, but he was awful. His father told the teacher that he played piano by ear and that was the ticket. He was so good he started giving concerts in Brisbane. The Conservatorium (his word) became interested in him, but he was so young, about 8 years old, that they suggested he take up an additional instrument until he was older. The boy didn’t know which instrument he’d like, but he had always liked Harpo of the Marx brothers. He chose the harp and the rest is history.

The conversation got around to politics as it always does. I was happy there was at least one realist in the group. He pointed out that Australia has to be in the forefront of combating the terrorists. Even though they’d like to bury their heads in the sand, Aussies have one of the largest Muslim populations at their doorstep. Indonesia is 75% Muslim and poses a real threat. It’s only two hours away by air. He said that during WWI, Britain was able to save Australia’s hide. In WWII it was the Yanks. Now they need to be ready to defend themselves.

We didn’t leave “tea” until 5:00 PM. As we got into the car to head for the movies, I asked David to stop so that I could eat. Subway did the trick. We saw an American film called “Limey” with Peter Fonda and Terrence Stamp. It was at the theater at the Cultural Center. I think we may join the Center. They have a really good sounding line-up for the year.

Why Worry?

The Temple secretary, must take the threat of anthrax seriously. He now wears a mask and long blue rubber gloves when he opens the mail. He’ll be reassured to know that the police patrol around the temple every hour on a daily basis. They noticed that an unfamiliar car was turning up in the lot regularly. They ran the plates on this dark gray 1989, Mitsubishi and discovered that it belonged to someone on Via Roma. They reported it to the president of the congregation who pointed out to them that the new rabbi drives the car and the address on the registration was the temple’s. I feel so much safer now.

All of Australia is about to go on Daylight Savings Time except for the state of Queensland. That would be us. There’s a lot of protest about this so individual shops and businesses have decided to declare themselves on DST. Some of them will adjust by a full hour and some have decided that an hour would be too much of a difference so they’re only adjusting by a half hour. I can’t wait to see how this pans out. It’s typical of good old Aussie individualism.

David’s sermon last night was the speech that he was going to give to the Mormons on Family Values before they cancelled him. It was a great piece of work and the lady next to me whispered in my ear, “You now, my niece is gay.” Today, a woman told us that her best friend since she was twelve years old is a gay man. They’ll be coming out of the woodwork here soon just as they did in Akron.

Toby