Like and Unlike Minds

November 18, 2001-Open Or Closed?
(photos-Hahndorf)

The rabbi who spoke unsympathetically of American reform rabbis at the meeting of congregations, spoke to the rabbis at the Moetzah conference after dinner tonight. He was surprisingly even handed in his portrayal & even complimented Americans as being full of vitality. I wonder why he was so sardonic when he spoke before congregants? He even moderated his position on appeasing orthodox Jewry by saying that it’s impossible to satisfy them no matter how many traditions we embrace.

David presents his paper on same sex marriage tomorrow. There was a vote that the discussion will be in two parts. The presentation will be made & there will be open discussion. After lunch, there will be a continuation of that discussion without spouses or non-rabbinic staff. There was concern that some of the rabbis would have their jobs on the line if it became known they were in favor of same sex marriages. One of the rabbi’s wives is so upset about being excluded she wouldn’t come to dinner. She said that she has been coming to these sorts of meetings for 35 years & knows how to be discreet. On the other hand, I can understand how some of the rabbis who have congregants who are at the meeting as staff may feel inhibited.

November 19, 2001-Mind Numbing

David’s presentation this morning went very well. He started out with our personal story of when Wendy came out & how our involvement with the GLBT community evolved. He brought up an opposing position that there’s a difference between civil & religious rights. An advocate of that position maintained that it’s not part of the definition of the duties of a rabbi, as he sees it, to do things that are outside tradition. He gave as an example that he would not marry two people who had been living together for a long time but who were not yet divorced from their spouses. That statement seemed not to have any relationship to the discussion since it’s against the law. In the end, he concurred that he’d been in error & that religious rights were part & parcel of civil rights. Another rabbi surprised us by saying she was moved to tears by the terminology of “coming out” for gays & lesbians as well as for their families. She has a niece who is a lesbian & that niece’s mother has come out as a lesbian at age 50. She didn’t understand the anxiety that accompanies this never-ending process in the lives of the LGBT community. Yet another rabbi outed a colleague from the U.S. He assumed it was common knowledge, but it seems that none of those present knew this rabbi was gay.

November 20, 2001-Mind Changing

As it turned out, the meeting where the rabbis would vote on the gay marriage issue was open to me. The staff members had left for home, so I asked if the rabbi’s spouses could attend. My request was granted. I learned several things last night. I’ve realizated that my view of Australia as an egalitarian Mecca has slowly eroded as I’ve learned more about this country & its history. As you’ve seen from my emails, their history is as chequered as ours. Their bigotry may have been institutionalized differently than in the U.S., but it exists as an unwritten undercurrent to this day. I also learned that where rabbis of the U.S. were in the forefront of civil rights, rabbis of Australia are hobbled by fear.

The meeting last night was orderly, but not without disagreement. There were many passionate pleas for inclusion, there were testimonials of examples of inclusiveness of congregations, but, in the end, the status quo was held. The status quo is that a year ago, after many years of discussion, the rabbis decided to study the issue, but put a ban on any of their members doing same sex ceremonies. The Moetzah in Australia wields a power that would never be tolerated by American rabbis. They can make decisions that must be adhered to by all members. One member who said that he & his congregation were ready for same sex ceremonies also said he would bow to the decision of the Moetzah. If nothing else, this meeting solidified any doubt David had that he would ever want to be a progressive rabbi in Australia. That done, a corollary amendment was passed. It said that the Moetzah was to organize the serious study of sexuality since they felt ill prepared on the subject & that they simultaneously would begin the education of their congregations. They also gave themselves a time limit of a year in which to accomplish this. The goal is to get to the point where they can all live with the possibility of a ruling giving the member rabbis discretion in whether or not they are permitted by the Moetzah to perform same sex marriages.

There was a proposal put forth to change the ruling to allow rabbis to follow their conscience in any decision to do those ceremonies or not. And so I learned another lesson about Australia. The rabbis here are paralyzed by the fear of losing their jobs. As one of the 6 out of 15 American member rabbis said, he hadn’t heard any theological or moral arguments from the group that would keep any one of them from doing same sex marriages. All he heard was that they were afraid the upheaval would be so great among their congregants that one of them would end up being the sacrificial lamb to the cause. Another rabbi said they must make a choice between who would be at risk. Would it be the rabbis or would it be the gay community who was on the line. The consensus seemed to be that even if one rabbi did such a ceremony, all would suffer. That’s when I learned of the depth of their fear of losing members to the much stronger orthodox community.

They are truly held captive by the question they ask themselves every time they make a decision. What will the orthodox think? I might have been wrong in guessing they just wanted to please the orthodox movement & be accepted by them, but it may be they’re just afraid of giving their membership any reason to bolt from the progressive movement. They’re truly a minority here & an embattled one at that. Although the promotion of progressive Judaism as an alternative to orthodoxy sounds like a higher cause, it still boils down to their jobs.

It rankles that they easily decided it would be well worth their time to try to create an Australian version of the prayer book yet agonized about whether or not it was worth their while to study the issue of same sex marriage. I thought of the position David & I were in as similar to the Northerners who invaded the South during the civil rights movement of the 1960s & were told by the Southerners they knew “their Negroes” better than the Northerners did.

David & I did not vote, of course, & David didn’t speak last night. He had made his position clear earlier. The vote was 7 in favor of keeping the status quo & proceeding toward the goal of study with reconsideration in a year. Three people voted to keep the status quo indefinitely. One person abstained because, although she was in favor of doing same sex marriages, she was terrified of the consequences she might personally have to suffer. Had parliamentary procedure been followed, the vote would have been split. The chair would have decided in favor of the status quo with further study. I know this because as part of the non-parliamentary procedures, he voted with the body. One person who had made the motion but had left the meeting was counted as a “yes” vote since he had so moved. In the end, I didn’t think much had been accomplished. It occurred to me I’d just witnessed, not a kangaroo court (which would be appropriate in this country), but a kangaroo conference.

Progress?

It was later explained to me that our influence had been greatly felt & there was finally a positive direction, a goal, a process, & timetable for action to take place. Previous meetings had been rancorous & full of ill will. Finally, unlike past meetings, the subject had been handled in an orderly & thoughtful manner. It’s hard to know what was in the past. All I can say is we are leaving this conference with some satisfaction that inroads have been made & this group is headed in the right direction albeit slowly. I, personally, am leaving the conference knowing I do not want to be living as a progressive Jew in Australia.

David said I’ve forgotten all the time & lost votes it took to get this accomplished in the U.S. I’m also reminded of all the times David took unpopular stands of conscience without thought to job security, collegial assent, or congregational politics. In light of what I saw here last night, my pride in him has doubled. I would think that Australians & their rabbis would have had that time to learn & absorb what we have done in the U.S. I was also told that, despite the exterior trappings, Australia is 20 years behind the States on many social issues. A native Australian likened Australia to our state of South Carolina. Despite what we were told at the PFLAG meeting, gays here don’t have it that good. Perhaps some corporations have equal benefits, but we were told it’s because they are “gay” industries, like the airlines. There are the same inequities regarding wills, adoption, & hospital visitation. Artificial insemination is not permitted for single women let alone lesbians.

A shining light in the conference was Rabbi Uri Temal’s report that the multi-cultural center at Griffith University in Brisbane was literally off the ground. It’s been a dream of his as Queensland’s director of ethnic affairs to have one building to house the religious & cultural needs of all the denominations of all the religions & cultures represented in Queensland. It will be dedicated to the continuing study of religion & worship with the goal of accepting religious differences, finding common ground, & finding a way to live together with those differences. He thinks it is unique in the world.

Food Wars

Through this all, David has been doing serious battle with the food choices that were made for the conference. In an attempt to satisfy those who keep kosher, all meals have been vegetarian. Instead of ordering a few veggie meals for those who wanted them, we’ve all had to endure through stacks of vegetables on toast, bowls of vegetables to add to our curried egg sandwiches, & tasteless vegetarian soups accompanied by veggie quiche. I love vegetarian cuisine, but even I got tired of the unimaginative & tasteless offerings. Last night, they finally served perch, but that was bland. David & one other rabbi rebelled & ordered rack of lamb off the regular menu. Please don’t get the idea that our palates have been totally ignored. At one session I looked at the conference tables & they were laden with bottles of Bailey’s, bourbon, & wines. These were accompanied by cookies, assorted teas, coffee, & a jumble of Cadbury candy. Cadbury is their common candy as Hershey’s is ours. It’s made in Hobart, Tasmania, & is thrown about as we do trick or treat leftovers.

Toby