Reading For Pleasure

September 11, 2001-Read it and Weep

I wanted to send the fashion section of the newspaper to you but couldn’t figure out how. You’ll have to be content with excerpts. To illustrate, I’ll describe what I saw a real woman wearing: a gray and black swirling patterned skirt with a leopard blouse. Over that she wore a leopard jacket of a different shade and pattern. In her hair was a large, bright, yellow fabric flower. Her shoes were black paisley. When I opened the fashion section and saw that the first headline was “Stranger Than Fiction,” I was already a believer. The next page yielded a story on “Born To Be a Bad Dresser.” It was about Erin Brockovich. The capper was the latest in fashion undies. The headline, “An Ill Wind” blew me away (pun intended). It was about pants that filter out flatulence. They come in a range of styles and colors with replacement filter pads. Let’s see who can come up with an Aussie name for these. David suggested “farties.” My choice was “Stink Eez.”

Out on the Town

At the chemist (pharmacy) today we were looking for Calcium with vitamin D and came across a product called “Horny.” It had a picture of a man and woman in bed and referred to improving those intimate moments. They don’t mince words, do they?

We opened a bank account at the ANZ (Ay-En-Zed) Bank. I still feel goofy saying it that way. Janet Bruce works there. When the banker asked how long we’d be staying, we said it would be seven months. Janet jumped in to say they’d try to change our minds. I think there’s a lot of false hope on their part.

The best product for us was to open a low interest bearing account that lets us get money and pay bills on line. We also opened a savings account. The savings account pays a higher rate of interest and is their Xmas account. Yes folks, the Rabbi Horowitz family has a Xmas fund account. There was no way around it except we refer to it as a Chanukah account.

One difference in banking here is that as we were setting everything up the bank clerk asked us what our PIN number will be. She wrote it down on a piece of scrap paper, went to another computer to input it, came back with the piece of scrap paper, and crossed it out in front of us. Other differences are in retail trade. They don’t let customers play with the puppies in the pet stores. Boo! They let you try shoes on without socks or footies. Hiss! There is no tipping at the hairdressers or at restaurants. Yeah!

Re-united

Speaking of clothing, our moods have definitely taken an upswing. Syd Bruce called early this morning and sounded as if he personally had a hand in securing our last boxes. The postal service rang his doorbell at 7:45 AM and handed his wife one of our boxes. She insistently asked if there weren’t more. Sure enough, there were two. Everything is here and accounted for. I have embarked on a marathon-ironing spree. I’m even enjoying it. It’s giving me a chance to welcome each garment individually and let it know how much it’s been missed. I’m able to reassure each and every item it’s duly valued and we’ll not be separated again for a long, long time. My shoes have been lovingly unwrapped and shelved. I left the closet door open so I can glance at them from time to time. It’s comforting to see them all in a row, ready to serve. We’re bonding.

I think I failed to mention that if any of you visit and need to find our complex, it’s the one with the tall pink buildings next to the squat blue shack on the corner with the sign saying. “Falun Gong Liberation.” We seem to be neighbors with Chinese activists. We also live across the street from one of the largest gambling casinos in Australia. They’re the only casino in the world to have million dollar chips. Of course they’re only worth $500,000 to us. We haven’t been inside yet, but we’ve seen the croupiers picketing. It’s a three-day strike. They don’t do long strikes here. Qantas was out for one day.

Toby