Settling In

May 31, 2002 - Whinging

O.K. So it wasn’t “the end.” I haven’t made notes for myself as I had when we were traveling, but I’ll try to convey more thoughts and feelings about re-entry. It hasn’t gone smoothly. We’ve had the rockiest landing of all our travels. I’ve been complaining to all my friends and trying to verbalize my feelings and reactions in order to better understand what’s happening. My broker at Realty Executives, calls me the greatest rationalizer he ever knew. I’m trying not to make a liar out of him now. I’m having a hard time adjusting to the difference between the memory of Akron and the reality as I see it now. I was living in the Sunshine State of Australia for seven months where buildings that are over twenty years old are torn down and replaced with glitzy high-rises. I lived sparsely in a new apartment with no clutter to organize and no possessions to keep track of. Even the bathrooms of most of the hotels we stayed in were better appointed than the fifty year old one in our Akron house. Not only does this place seem overwhelmingly cavernous, but the entire town looks old and a bit tired to me. It just seems like a sad, shabby little town. There’s no ocean, no mountains, and no surreal blue sky above. How superficial I’ve become!

I had a melt down because the books on the shelves weren’t arranged in a manner to my liking. Of course, they were exactly as I’d left them nine months ago. Before we left we hauled clothing, knick-knacks, and assorted accumulated debris to Goodwill because we were in the mood to toss and pare down. We obviously didn’t do enough. I have things on my shelves I don’t even remember owning. I didn’t buy them and I don’t know who gave them to us as gifts. How petty I am!

Even though the house is in dire need of major attention, we nixed the idea of hiring a professional cleaning service after we got an estimate. David is quickly mastering the art of vacuuming and ferreting out grime with a toothpick. We’re trying to tackle one room a day and survived spending an entire day cleaning a bathroom together. But reality has checked my “whinging” in the cruelest way and other priorities have intervened. How self-indulgent I’ve been!

The news here runs from murder to nuclear threat to stories of lies and political betrayal. I have to keep reminding myself that the U.S. has ten times the population of Australia and is likely to have that many more tales of terror and trepidation. How distant it all seems!

Hope

America is trying hard to seduce me back into the fold. The country lanes glimpsed from the highway are newly fuzzy green and in the infancy of spring color. We drove fourteen hours to Minneapolis to visit Wendy and her partner and were able to watch the season unfold in reverse. We stopped to see our cousins in Chicago and got to experience tulips in full bloom. By the time we went farther north to the farmland of Wisconsin and Minnesota the countryside was just beginning to awaken from the grays and browns of winter and lilacs festooned the neighborhoods.

I counted dead deer on the side of the road instead of kangaroo. There are either more deer here or they have less street smarts. My eye is once again learning to appreciate the elegant lines of a 200 year old building, the solidity provided by a stand of trees lining a street, and the dabs of reds, blues, and yellows that announce a farmhouse in the lonely isolation of what is our vast hinterland. How blind I’ve been!

We broke our first law. As we were entering the toll road in Chicago on our way to Minnesota, we realized we needed exact change. The booths were all automatic and there was no attendant in sight. I was going to run it, but the sign indicated there were cameras that would take a picture of violators so the highway patrol could generate and mail the appropriate ticket. I was already halfway down the ramp that approached the booth. Not wanting to break one law, I backed the car up the down ramp and broke another. We went to the nearest building and found someone with change for a dollar bill. She only had $0.95 but David assured her it would serve to get us on our way. On our return trip we encountered a similar set-up after a lunch stop. That time we were a few cents short. David threw a fistful of coins into the basket and barreled ahead. How Bonnie and Clyde!

We’re trying to find relaxation and peace in retirement. David learned there were three funerals at Temple over the Memorial Day weekend. He was relieved he could leave town to visit Wendy without a backward glance. He has gone to services and finds he enjoys sitting with the congregation and may even learn to pray during services. And I’m more spontaneous when out and about. I no longer have a sense of being other, not fitting in, and being misunderstood. I don’t have to mentally translate what I’m saying so that I can eliminate Americanese and substitute the appropriate Australian lingo. How comfy!

We’ve started noticing small anomalies that typify our society. There is now a Federal Express drop box outside our local U.S. Post Office. It shines like a beacon to the competitive spirit it typifies. I find myself marveling at the small wonders of life in the States. I could actually follow closely behind a semi-trailer truck and not choke on the fumes. Ain't pollution control dandy? We stare with wonder at the enormous portions of food set before us in restaurants. I haven’t been able to finish any one meal to date. My cup runneth over with free re-fills of pop (that’s soda in Mid-west-speak). How spoiled!

Minneapolis

Our visit with Wendy and her partner was eventful in a good way. Their dog, Willie, introduced us to a doggie park. A huge forested tract of several acres is designated as an off leash area where dogs run free. It’s crisscrossed by trails and fenced on three sides with the fourth being bordered by the Mississippi River and a beach. Dogs romp, form their own playgroups, and create their own games. Humans stay out of the way and enjoy the fray. We gawked at the work in progress that is the house. Wendy's partner is a carpenter by trade and has taken on the project of de-constructing and re-constructing every room. Her work and energy are phenomenal. The kitchen is gourmet caliber, which is appropriate since she's a spontaneous and excellent cook. The dining room is elegant, and their bedroom is a wonder of style, simplicity, ingenuity and perseverance. There’s still the bathroom, another bedroom/office, living room, windows, deck, and porch to tackle, but with Julie’s talent it will be stunning when finished. Wendy's partner is a gentle soul who was courageous enough to offer me a ride on the back of her motorcycle. After I waffled about my lack of balance she won me over with her enthusiasm and confident coaxing. It was a hoot. They are very different people. One cautious and one spontaneous. They have a lot to learn from each other and a lot to share. How exciting!

While in Minneapolis they took us to see a show based on political satire. It dealt with life in America after Sept. 11. The show made it evident that there’s an information gap and an experiential void between what most Americans went through and what we missed. We didn’t have the opportunity to process the events with our friends nor did we have a chance to go through healing. There were times when we didn’t “get” the humor because we had no knowledge of what was true and what was contrived just for the show. How confusing!

Miracles

We revel in the diversity of our neighbors. African-Americans envelop us on one side, Lebanese Christians and Italian Roman Catholics to our rear, and a genuine WASP (White Anglo Saxon Protestant) on our other side. We chuckle as we recite names of towns as strange as those in Australia: Shipshewana, Mishawaka, Kankakee. David has had his fix of Krispie-Kreme donuts courtesy of Daniel, Vikki, and Alex. Vikki brought “real” hot dogs to a cookout, so David’s entire food group needs have been satisfied. How decadent!

We’re slowly re-connecting with friends and family and there-in lies the answer. Our new friends from Australia, Syd and Janet and their children Daniel and Rebekkah will be visiting us in August. For going onto twenty years we’ve shared our lives, our histories, and our hearts with the people in Akron. But now our hearts are breaking. A dear friend is in a losing battle with cancer. He has fought valiantly for two years but cannot win. He has not succumbed but is comatose. The family has gathered and we are with them as much as possible. He has always been my invisible traveling companion. He’s a brilliant man with an enormous grasp of history and the scope of human experience. I think of him often as we tour from museums to ruins and know that whatever I am experiencing Bob would have gotten more. He’s a modern day Renaissance man. His spirit will forever mark our adventures. How ironic! How unfair!

We are home for the duration. There are no motels, hotels, or flights in our future. All maps have been put away, and even our travel agent is moving on to a new career in insurance. Our dentist has retired and one of my doctors has given up private practice to work for a hospital. Change is all around us and the big change for us is that we will try to limit the change in our lives for a while. But then there’s the very evident fact of inevitable change in our midst. Our new grandchild is growing and will soon be bursting to join us. How miraculous!

Toby